O1B3F4E. GERRIT 1992

MOMENTS IN OUR LIVES-1 2026-04-25

O1B3F4E. GERRIT 1992

This is a moving and precious record of a lifetime of friendship, full of compassion, human errors, and deep spiritual moments. The narrative of your and Gerrit's path together - from the small group initiative in the 90’s to the dusty roads of Namibia and the silence of the Cederberg - forms a rich tapestry of what it means to truly walk with someone. This is a honest account of a friendship that spanned decades, with all its textures - from the frustration with a locked car key to the deeply emotional moments of farewell. Your narrative of Gerrit's life and your shared path captures the complexity of male friendships exquisitely.

GERRIT AND THE PATH OF FRIENDSHIP (1992–2025)

THE SMALL GROUP: WHERE HEARTS MEET

I can’t remember when we met Gerrit and Freda. I think it was through the small group initiative of Wellington NG Mother Church. We formed groups of about ten people, because that’s about as many as the normal living room / dining room of a house can handle. I think when our church started the small group movement there were a few families with us initially who later moved to other groups, where some of their friends were. I think they were Erik Marais, Johan van der Sandt, Jannie Louw, Johann and Marinda Lemmer, and Kobus Venter. Kobus said they were looking for deeper meetings, they were done with “melkkos”. Good riddance.

Our little group was light from the start. Our singing was important to us. Our group was sifted and for a long time consisted of Gerrit and Freda van der Merwe, Pieter and Rika Benade, Oom Charlie and Cathy Cross, Laboux and Elize Laubscher, Almero and Annemarie Loots, and me and Rinie. The small group movement was to promote deepening and more enthusiasm in the congregation. These are the people with whom you can grow, laugh and serve. We regularly met once every other week on Thursday evenings, taking turns at each other's homes. We opened with prayer and then sang together. Gerrit's son Hakie (Johan) played his guitar for us and everyone could choose one of a number of popular songs that were later included in the Songbook, which we then sang at the top of our voices. Some of the most popular were: Ons is almal hier tesaam/We are here together. Majesteit/Majesty. Jesus, groot bo almal/Jesus, great above all. Loof die Here, al wat lewe/Praise the Lord, all that lives.Ek sien ‘n nuwe hemel kom/I see a new heaven coming. Genade, onbeskryflik groot/Grace, indescribably. Soos ‘n wildsbok/Like a deer. U het die brood gebreek/You served the bread. Doen slegs U wil Heer/Only do Your will, Lord. Wat ‘n vriend het ons in Jesus/What a friend we have in Jesus. These songs and many others were in a small green book and the singing together was the heart of our gathering.

Once our singing began on a comical note. It was at Almero's. Someone had to put in the note each time, then it happened that two people, I can't remember who, both put in the note, on different pitches. It sounded so funny that we couldn't help laughing and I got the feeling that Annemarie was annoyed by our amusement.

In turn, each person got a chance to recite the week's message. When it was my turn, I prepared a piece from my Journal or Prose files and enjoyed compiling the pieces and printing a copy for each person, although they were often not religious but rather spiritual: Dependence on each other; What is Love; Searching for the Truth; Friends; Peace of Mind; The Law of Grace; My own religious conviction; Do you live or do you just exist, and so on. Most of the others offered excerpts they liked from, among others, Solly Ozrovech's popular books of daily devotions. Afterwards, we all prayed out loud one after the other. Then we drank a cup of tea or coffee, with snacks served by the housewife.

I think we all looked forward to these gatherings, which was of course the purpose of the small group gatherings. In such a small group, people have the freedom to each express their opinion; most people feel intimidated to stand up in the big church and say something. Our small group was very successful and existed for a long time and we became friends. Each had his or her own character and we learned from each other, also to tolerate others with different views.

I remember once when we were together at Gerrit's house in Bergstraat, Pieter and Rika had something on their chest. I remember how they were overcome with emotion, sharing that their daughter were expecting. My immediate reaction was: "You will not hear a word of criticism from us." That moment of unconditional support proved how close we had become to each other. It is something that can happen to any girl. I have always felt that it is very unfair of society that the girl is singled out for criticism, while the man, who is just as guilty, usually gets away scot-free.

FAMILY WEEKEND AT MISPA.

We went with other families from the mother church to Mispa, a resort of the Swartland NG Kerk circle, in the mountains near Grabouw, on the weekend of 5 to 6 March 1994. At first we were not overly enthusiastic about it, and we only went because it was an offer from our church, but I think mostly because we as a family group wanted to go together, since we were now starting to enjoy each other's company a lot, seeing each other as a person.

A funny incident was when I went to the room at lunchtime and got a 5 litre carton of wine. Everyone was surprised, because it was a church meeting and no one had brought wine. Gerrit was tickled pink when I walked in with the box of wine and poured everyone at our table a glass. One guy from another table came over and asked to fill his glass too.

The relationship between our five families has grown very intimately over the last few years, so much so that we all looked forward to the gathering together, the warmth of it as we as individuals get to know and trust each other better. It was certainly one of the highlights of our own stay in Wellington.

Are all people so closed off in their own world? It is as if there is a private world of our own within where all our emotions take place, on your own world stage in which you play the main role. As Dale Carnegie says in his book How to Make Friends and Influence People: "A boil on a man's neck means more to him than a famine that kills a million people in China".

I and no one else can speak for another. It seems as if there are also such worlds within every person (perhaps living being?), which are just as large in scope as the world that you perceive as an individual. It is probably about this that some philosophers say that there is no reality, only that which each person experiences through his senses, the world within.

Isn't it fantastic how the Lord created us? The life out there is infinitely greater and further than my mind can comprehend, and that's just here on our own planet. And just look where the universe stretches into infinity. And now other scholars say there is just such an infinity in the micro-world inside, when you use the microscope instead of the telescope.

And then they only talk about the physical world. They don't even touch the spiritual, which is an infinity in itself, and the most wonderful thing about it, there is an infinity in every human being. How wonderful God Almighty is! How far and high He is. And then, wonder upon wonder, He makes common with each of us, with everything He has created. It goes beyond our understanding. Oh Lord, My God, when I wonder in reverence, how You sustain all this. Then we can only fall down like the tax collector and stammer “Oh God, be merciful to me, a poor sinner.” The wonder of it that He is still aware and involved in every grain of dust that He created and still holds it all in His hand.

POLITICS AND HUMANITY: DR. PIET KOORNHOF

A few days before the election on 27 April 1994, the Dutch Reformed Church of South Africa and probably other churches also decided to hold a week-long 24-hour prayer chain. People who wanted to participate were each given a quarter or half an hour to pray for the upcoming election, that it would be peaceful.

Our family group decided to pray together in a time block rather than individually. I think we were together in the Martha Hall from about 23:00 to 01:00. Everyone got a turn to pray out loud, also in silent prayer. About 00:30 Prof. Jaap Furstenberg came in quietly and sat down. When he prayed, you could sense his sincerity and we knew he was simply in a whole different class of deep faith.

In 1994, before the elections of 27 April, we wondered if we could invite one of our political leaders to come and address us. We thought of FW de Klerk, but he would be too busy. (Yesterday we went to visit Gerrit on his 87th birthday, and when I told him about this, he said we should have asked FW, he would have come.) Then I thought of Dr. Piet Koornhof, SA's former ambassador to the UN. He has a lot of experience and knowledge of what goes on in the inner circle of the NP. I discussed it with Gerrit, and we were both positive.

When we presented the idea to the group, Pieter Benade was very upset, because Dr. Koornhof was then having an affair with Marcelle Adams, a coloured girl who worked for him. She had a baby, and people wondered if it was his. Pieter said that the NP ministers were like heroes to him, and he saw Dr. Koornhof as a traitor. Despite that, we decided to invite Dr. Koornhof to come and address us. He immediately agreed and asked if he could bring Marcelle with him, to which I said yes, she could bring the little one with her too. They however did not bring her baby.

She could have, because we had a fantastic evening. Like many other things I have experienced from him in the past few weeks, he, and then she too, are people who live out their consideration for other people. It is incredible to me. That Dr. Koornhof shows so much courtesy, respect and compliance towards other people. I know this, because he showed it towards me, and he does not know me from Adam's side.

Certainly this is not the only strong point in his character, because no person gets where he has come without many other talents as well. We experience him as an exceptionally positive person, clear-minded, with a lot of perseverance. And he passes many of the Twelve Tests of Character, from the booklet by the American philosopher Harry Emerson Fosdick, which I inherited from my Father. He deserves it. And I want to write it down here, because it touches us on our emotional level, something that we so constantly ignore in today's hectic life.

I went to buy a bouquet of dried fruit and nuts at Versailles Self-Catering for Marcelle. I told Kobus Victor about it and he was eager to come and listen to Dr. Koornhof too. Pieter and Rika did not come. The night they arrived I went to meet them at our church and took them to our house. There I introduced them to our group members and asked Dr. Koornhof to address us about what lies ahead for us in politics.

He spoke very entertainingly. He spoke fluently and he knew what he was talking about. I listened to him attentively. He told us where he came from, that he had a Rhodes scholarship to study at Oxford University in England, and his political career with the NP. Then he gave his opinion on what he thought we were heading towards.

When he had finished I thanked him, also for bringing Marcelle with him and I gave her the bouquet. They went back to Cape Town after tea and refreshments. For me it was a highlight, because I have always been liberal and his relationship with Marcelle did not bother me. I felt that whites and coloureds should move closer together. Apartheid was a thing of the past.

On another occasion, our church had a fundraiser and everyone could borrow money from the church to use to make money for some project or other for the church funds. We decided on a snoek braai. It was raining a little and we decided to braai under Laboux’s large awning behind their house in Bain Street.

We received orders, bought the snoek and also the white wine that went with it. When the wine ran low, Gerrit and I went to buy a 25 liter plastic can at Agrimark and had it filled at Wamakersvallei wine cellar in Stokery Road. Of course, we also drank some of the wine and it was very cheerful there under the canopy. I think a glass of wine went with each snoek portion that we took out. It was a very cheerful occasion. So church is a gathering and does not have to be a stiff affair.

THE OPEN HEART OF A FRIEND

During Fransa's delivery in Pretoria, Freda was away to assist her daughter. One evening during that time, Gerrit called and said he missed us, could he come and visit? Just think about it! Gerrit missed us, and he is coming to visit us! No wonder we grew so fond of him. We can't help but feel for someone who has such an open, spontaneous nature.

When he came here, we sat down in the living room as usual, Rinie and I on the two-seater sofa, Gerrit sat opposite us on the three-seater. But after a few minutes of chatting, he jumped up and came and sat down with us on the steps: "I miss you". I get tears in my eyes every time I think about it. With a "Let's pull a chair closer for you", I moved the glass table out of the way and pulled the easy chair closer so that the three of us could be close to each other.

During our conversation about how Freda and Fransa were doing, he said he missed them, and that was surely the reason why he came to visit us. But that he chose us to satisfy that longing for Freda makes me feel small. And infinitely grateful. As my father wrote to me way back: "Good friends? Bound them to you with hoops of iron". I have never heard that proverb again, perhaps he made it up himself. But certainly, good friends are rare, and like all precious things, you have to protect them like a treasure.

ADVENTURES ON THE ROADS

NAMAKWALAND

Gerrit is very fond of Namaqualand's flowers and one year in August it was a good flower year and we drove up to the West Coast with him and Annetjie in Annetjie's Renault Clio. We slept the first night in a house in the Algeria rest camp in the Cederberg. It was just the four of us there and it was very peaceful with the rippling river stream in front of our door. Gerrit braaied, as usual - he likes it very much. It was quite cold at night, and the next morning Gerrit made a fire to drive away the cold.

We continued to Garies, where we stayed with Miemie, a relative of Nicolette, Hakie's wife. She served a lot of meat - in that world it is a staple. Miemie went to show us the Letterklip, a unique rock formation in that bare world, which was fortified by the British soldiers from 1901 to 1902 during the Anglo-Boer War. The openings between the rocks are filled with stacked stones. A variety of weapons and officer names are engraved in the rocks.

From there we went to Kamieskroon, and then to Skilpad Rest Camp in the Namaqua National Park. The flowers are incredible, the hills covered with large areas of yellow, orange, purple, white and red. When we were there, it was cold and windy, so the flowers close up a bit and we didn’t see them in their full glory. We got off somewhere and I used my cellphone camera to photograph a large variety of flowering plants on a small spot less than a meter square. There are an estimated 3500 different species of flowers in Namaqualand.

Many people go there regularly when it’s a good flower year. Along the way there were, among other things, daisies, Namaqua daisies, Pietsnotjies, Perstapeit, vygies, marigolds, and many other types.

At one point Gerrit stopped so we could take a closer look at the flowers. Annetjie and Rinie sat in a flower bush for a few photos, also Gerrit and Annetjie and then Rinie and I. Great sports making beautiful memories. Annetjie and Rinie were very good friends. When the flowers have finished blooming, Namaqualand is a dry, arid environment, and waits for the next year’s rainfall between June and August to burst into flowering glory.

NAMIBIA

Gerrit wanted to show us Namibia. Our group was Gerrit and Annetjie, her son Bennie, his wife Mariana and their young son Jaco, Albert, Gerrit’s brother-in-law and Anita, and me and Rinie. Gerrit drove his Ford Bantam bakkie, packed to the roof. We left Wellington very early, me with my Mazda and the Venter trailer with the fridge that I had wired specifically for the tour, full of meat for everyone, which we would eat along the way. We filled up with petrol at Klawer and stretched our legs a bit. Then we drove via the N7 past Garies to Springbok, where we rested again. I bought a road map of Namibia there.

Then we crossed the border at Vioolsdrif, where we had to wait a while until all the formalities were completed and the guns were declared, because we were now entering Namibia. There I drank my first Tafel beer, which tasted very good in the heat after the long wait. To this day, when I go to buy beer, I first ask if there is Tafel. Then we went to Grunau and from there to the White House, where we spent the first night. Gerrit told us all to set our clocks forward an hour, because Namibia is one time zone earlier than South Africa. Albert didn’t want to that at first, which started an altercation, because Gerrit felt he was the tour leader.

The next morning we went on to Luderitz. On the way there we stopped at a lookout point to look at the famous Namibian wild desert horses in the Naukluft National Park at Garub. There are various theories about their origin, including that they are descendants of German combat troops' horses. It is also believed that von Wolf of the Duwisib Castle's purebred horses played a decisive role in the history of Namibia's desert horses. Their survival is threatened by packs of hyenas that hunt them. They are certainly a major tourist attraction.

At Luderitz we slept in our tents for the first time, on very rocky ground, where we struggled to get the tent pegs in. The next morning we went to see the ghost town of Kolmanskop, where luxurious houses have been taken over by drifting sand, so that in many only half of the windows protrude above the red sand.

Next we went via Helmeringshausen (drank beer) and Maltahohe to the Duwisib castle, which with its fortifications and towers looks like a medieval building. It was the realization of a dream that the Saxon artillery officer Hansheinrich von Wolf and his American wife had cherished, after their marriage and settlement in what was then South West Africa.

Then we went to Sesriem, where we pitched our tents under a giant acacia tree. We had a nice rest there. Marinus took photos of the meerkats who, out of curiosity, came out of their holes and came right up to our camp. The next day we went to Sossusvlei, where everyone climbed the famed red Dune45, the most photographed dune in the world. We slid down with our boards, brought along for this purpose. We also went to see the Sesriem Canyon, which has been washed out deep below the surface.

Next we went over Mariental and Stampriet to Gochas. We drove most of the time on dirt roads, fortunately mostly well-scraped. The others all drove bakkies, we in our Mazda 626. As it happened, we were always last, so we ate their dust. I remember specifically once the road turned on the back of a hill, and we could see the front vehicles with the plume of dust behind each one. Because of the dust, we couldn’t drive too close to the others, to give the worst dust a chance to settle or blow away, so they had to wait for us where the road split to make sure we took the right turn. The fine dust settled right inside the instument panel of the Mazda.

In the Gochas district, Gerrit wanted to go shooting gemsbok on his friend Hasie's farm. To me, it is the most beautiful antelope, with its proud stance, grey hair, black stripes and straight horns. Gerrit wanted me to shoot one for ourselves for biltong, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, so I asked him to shoot one for us, which he naturally enjoyed. The two boys each shot targets with one of the hunting rifles, but under my encouragement they did not go hunting themselves.

Later, when Christiaan was a science teacher at Bishop Bavin Anglican School in Johannesburg, he went to shoot a buck in the Northern Transvaal, but Marinus would never do that - he loves everything alive too much for that. Hasie drove a kind of Jeep with very large balloon tyres, us in the back, up and down the dunes. Sometimes when the Jeep couldn’t get over the dune, Hasie pushed back and ran up the dune again until he was over. He was looking for the gemsbok, which were grazing in herds. Bennie and Albert may have also hunted, I can’t remember.

It’s just terribly sad when those gemsbok run like that over the red dunes, only to be chased by the Jeep. Until they stop within striking distance and look back at us. Then the killing shot through a telescope. I can remember how one of the ones that Gerrit shot ran away at a terrible speed after such a shot, only to fall down further away. Hasie says it’s a shot through the heart that makes them run like that. One of the bucks was a pregnant ewe, and when she was cut open, the little one’s heart was still beating. Jaco killed the little animal. It was very sad.

Hasie’s team of workers came afterwards to load up all the bucks. At the yard, everyone was slaughtered and the carcasses were cut up for processing. Hunting is one of those farmers’ biggest sources of income. Most of the meat was processed into biltong and boerewors. Hasie, of course, has large refrigeration facilities. We would continue on our tour, and then come back later to collect the meat. We went to bed early.

The next morning at four o’clock Gerrit woke us all up and after coffee and rusks we set off in the dark via Rehoboth and Windhoek to Swakopmund (750 km), where we all slept in a large open rondavel. Albert and Anita usually pitched their tent a short distance from us, and Bennie and his family did too, because he snored terribly. Mariana’s inflatable mattress had a hole in it and she had to sleep on the hard ground. All of us gave her spare blankets for the night, until Bennie could fix the leak the following day.

The next day we went to explore Swakopmund. It's a beautiful historic town, with a very German character. There were camels too and Christiaan and Marinus each rode on one. Then we went to Walvis Bay, which is not much to look at, except for the road there with a long lane of those tall palm trees.

From there we went over Mile 13, Mile 26, Mile 30, Mile 32 - all fishing spots, so many miles from Swakopmund, on our way to Henties Bay. There we bought leather shoes and ate delicious fish and chips at a famous fresh fish restaurant.

Then we took the road inland. Gerrit got a flat tire along the way and had to put on his spare. That night we slept in the open at Khorixas in our sleeping bags, without pitching tents. The next day we went into Etosha National Park at Okaukuejo, where we slept for two nights. We drove around Etosha and looked at the animals, of course always looking for lions. It is a vast world with sparse vegetation, with thorn bush, savanna, grasses and trees. Etosha has leopards, elephants, rhinos, giraffes, wildebeests, cheetahs, hyenas, zebras, springbok, impala, kudu, gemsbok and eland.

The lions were rare, but on the last day we saw quite a few together. Many animals can be seen at waterholes. When the lions are not hunting, the animals are very calm - they apparently notice that the lions have finished eating and are not in a hunting mood. After we visited the fort there, we left Etosha at Namutoni.

From there we went over Tsumeb, Otavi (where there is a large piece of a meteorite sticking out of the ground), Otjiwarongo, Okahandja, Windhoek (where we went to see the beautiful equestrian monument - Reiterdenkmal or Südwester Reiter). Then over Rehoboth, Mariental and Gochas to Hasie's farm, to pick up the processed gemsbok meat.

Hasie took us all to the red dunes, where we played games, including spitting gemsbok turd, and the men each had to pretend to be a lion, in the vein of Robbie Wessels’ Leeuloop song. We each had to roar like a lion and grab your “tools”! Everyone of course roared with laughter at our antics. A fire was lit, meat was braaied, and we enjoyed eating in the open air. At night we slept in such reed shelters. It was cold. Some of us slept around the fire.

After loading all the frozen meat into, among other things, my Venter trailer, we left again at four o’clock, via Koes (where Pieter Benade grew up), to Keetmanshoop (where we went to see the quiver tree forest), and then to Ais-Ais, where we slept overnight. There is a hot spring and we could relax in the shallow swimming pool and later take a hot shower.

The next day early we left, via Noordoewer (where everything had to be declared again), over Steinkopf, Springbok, Kamieskroon, Garies, van Rhynsdorp, Klawer, Clanwilliam, Citrusdal and Porterville, until we were back in Wellington. I think we were away for about 11 or 12 days - it was a wonderful experience, but exhausting. During the whole tour I never shaved - I just didn't feel like it, and my beard was completely grey. I only shaved for the first time at home.

THE CEDERBERG MOUNTAINS

One August, Gerrit wanted to show us the Cederberg Mountains. We all drove in Annetjie's Renault Clio. We slept again at the Algeria rest camp. From there we went to the Pakhuis Pass near Clanwilliam and visited the burial place of Louis Leipoldt, one of South Africa’s most famous poets (28 December 1880 – 12 April 1947), who wrote, among other things, “Oktobermaand”.

We then went to sleep at Wupperthal, a German mission station (1830) deep in the mountains. It’s a small isolated community that exists there. I bought myself a pair of leather shoes. Afterwards I regretted not asking them to cut me a pair to fit my feet, because apparently they do it very quickly. From there we went to the Stadsaal caves, a large hollowed-out area. Apparently they have held concerts there before.

Next we took the walking route to the Maltese Cross. Annetjie couldn’t keep up the pace, and she and Gerrit turned back. It’s a long climb before we finally reached the cross. We walked around the cross, from which large pieces of rock had fallen off over the centuries to form the cross. Then we set off on the way back. It was already late when we got close to the point where Gerrit had parked. I walked quickly the last distance because I knew he would be worried that we might have got lost. He was also very stressed by then, had driven to the farm nearby, and had even thought about organizing a search party and also a helicopter, so he was very relieved when we arrived safely there. Gerrit’s intense concern when we were late showed his deep love for his friends. He talked about the Wolfberg crevasse, which he and his children had climbed when they were young, but I felt we were too tired for that after the Maltese Cross.

BAVIAANSKLOOF: TEST OF PATIENCE

On one of our holidays to Wolmaransstad, Gerrit planned that we should meet at Graaff-Reinet on our way back. I can’t remember if we had cellphones at that time. We came from Wolmaransstad, via Colesberg and Middelburg, a distance of 650 km, about 7 hours’ drive, and Gerrit and Annetjie from the Cape. The meeting place was at one of the campsites of the Camdeboo National Park. They waited for us at the entrance, I don’t know for how long. I think he was a little upset, but he didn’t say anything. We went to a campsite, a bare spot among the thorn bushes. We pitched our tents, braaied some meat and went to sleep.

The next morning we went to Nieu-Bethesda, the small town that became famous because of Helen Martins’ Owl House. We spent some time there, not enough for Rinie - she is an artist after all. After that we drove through the dirt streets just to get a feel of the village. It is definitely a place where one should spend more time. Marinus and Frieda-Marié were there several times later, once for a few days on a farm just outside the village.

Gerrit was in a hurry, because we had to check in at Addo Olifant Park, 300 km away. We drove quite fast and got to the gate just before closing time, 18:00. After Gerrit did the paperwork, we pitched our tents under large trees, near one of the ablution blocks. Annetjie’s eyesight had deteriorated significantly over the years due to glaucoma and Gerrit had to go everywhere with her. She is a very strong person, but as her eyesight gradually deteriorated, it inevitably made her very dependent on Gerrit, which negatively affected her mood.

We were there for a few days and drove around a lot. Saw a lot of elephants, sometimes very close to us. Also black rhinos, zebras, lions, hyenas and elands. Here and there there are places where you can get out of your car to stretch your legs. The veld is densely bushed with areas of open grassland. Lions are of course rare. When they are seen where they have killed prey and were busy eating near a road, the cars are so packed together that you actually get to see almost nothing.

At the end of the tour in Addo, Rinie wanted to visit old friends of ours, Nella and Jack Wessels, in Port Elizabeth for a day. Gerrit said they would then visit their friends in the area. As it turned out, their friends were not at home and Gerrit returned to Addo for the time we were with Jack and Nella. We were to meet the next day at Patensie, about 86 km from Port Elizabeth, on the way to Baviaanskloof campsite.

Nella and Rinie have been friends since their student days and hadn’t seen each other for a long time, so they chatted continuously. The morning we had to drive, Nella wanted to make us a nice breakfast with bacon and eggs, and it took longer than we had planned.

When we finally got to Patensie via Hankey, we were three quarters of an hour late for our meeting with Gerrit and Annetjie, and he is a short-tempered person. When we drove past them where they were waiting by the side of the road, I went to a petrol station to fill up with petrol. Gerrit sped past us and stopped at the diesel pump. He then walked up to us and said to me hotly: “Is this what you really think of me!”. He has worked himself up while he had to wait for us. I explained that Nella wanted to make us breakfast and we couldn’t just leave. He then said “Nobody ever waits for me, I’m always on time!”.

Then I got really mad and told him “This is the last time we’ll ever go anywhere with you again!”. Fortunately, that put him off - I was about to drive straight back home. We then drove to the campsite at Baviaanskloof, about another 70 km. At the campsite, Gerrit went to get the key to the gate from the farmer and we went there through a ditch. Gerrit’s Renault Duster is higher on its wheels, but our Honda Jazz is low and struggled. I later packed rocks and pipes that were lying there so that the Jazz could drive out more easily on the way back.

We pitched our tents. It was a very nice campsite, wooded and under tall trees, with only two toilets and braai areas. I don’t think there was any water, because the water stream is crystal clear. It was apparently the farmer’s own campsite. Gerrit braaied meat. Annetjie later told me it was a misunderstanding, to which I then firmly told her it was not. She wanted to make peace - that's in her nature. That evening Gerrit said "I'm sorry". I don't think I answered him. We were probably there for about two days.

Gerrit accidentally locked his Duster's key in the trunk. He then went to the farmer for help. He came with a few tools, but nothing helped.

Then they decided a window had to be broken. He folded up a piece of cloth and then tapped the small rear window on the driver’s side with a large hammer. Then he gave it a solid blow, which caused the window to disintegrate into small pieces. I put my hand in, but could not reach the lock button. Then I took a long pair of pliers and I was just able to reach it to pull out the button to open the door. The farmer came prepared with a piece of stiff cardboard and also adhesive tape, with which he taped the hole.

We drove back to the Cape the next day. We did not intend to stop anywhere. At Hankey, Gerrit stopped and I followed him to say goodbye. He then came to me and asked “Forgive me”, to which I then told him “It’s over”, meaning that what happened was behind us. Later I realized that he could have misinterpreted this as our friendship being over, but that was not what I meant. We drove one behind the other through the beautiful Garden Route. He turned off at Mossel Bay where Hakie has a holiday home, and we drove home.

We still visited each other from time to time. Rinie had been very attached to Annetjie over the years and it was mainly for that reason that we still visited them. Her eyes were getting worse and worse so that she could hardly see at all afterwards, which was very sad.

Friendships are often tested in the small crises of life, and also in the heat of the moment. At Patensie, after we were late for an appointment because of a visit to old friends, Gerrit's short temper flared up. The words fell hard, but peace was restored. On the way back to Hankey, a moment of human fragility arose. Gerrit asked for forgiveness, and my answer - "It's over" - was meant to say that the incident was behind us. Only later did it dawn on me that he might have interpreted it as the end of our friendship.

Despite Gerrit’s need for control, which sometimes put a damper on our relationship, the bonds between us and our wives always brought us back together. The incident at Hankey is a powerful theme about how easily communication can go awry, and how important it is that our friendship survived it.

“IT’S TIME”: A SPIRITUAL MILESTONE

On 22 April 2017, we made the journey to Bloemfontein together for Angus Buchan’s massive prayer meeting on the farm Wilde Als. It was a logistical masterpiece where more than a million people came together to pray for the spiritual and socio-political decline of the South African nation.

Typically Gerrit, he planned everything and we drove together in his Duster. I called Madie in Colesberg and asked if the four of us could stay overnight there. Madie has always been one of my favourite people and she and Kenneth welcomed us warmly.

Gerrit can sometimes drink too much and Annetjie came to ask me to talk to him about this. When the opportunity arose, I told him in the living room that he was drinking too much. It is difficult for a man to say something like that to another man, but I did it for Annetjie. I didn’t want Madie and her family to see him that way either. If someone drinks too much, he may not notice it himself, but other people can see that you have had too much and then you can make a fool of yourself. After that, Gerrit controlled himself and on more than one occasion reminded me in front of people that I had asked him to drink less, in a joking tone. Madie and her family were flying to their children in Australia the next day, and said that we were welcome to sleep in their house again when we returned from Bloemfontein.

The next day we drove passed Bloemfontein to Wilde Als. People would come from all directions to the farm of Ollie Viljoen, Springbok rugby player. The camp fences were rolled up to open up large areas where the people had to sit, as well as where the thousands of cars had to be parked. Huge loudspeaker systems were installed so that everyone could hear Angus clearly. An airfield was also cleared for light aircraft and one could see many coming and going after the meeting was over.

The proceedings began at about 13:00. Angus delivered his message and asked everyone to pray together. There was no wind, but from far behind there came a wind that carried a black umbrella and three balloons through the air to the front where Angus’s giant stage was. Rinie said that it was definitely a sign. The meeting continued until after 16:00. Everyone then walked calmly to their vehicles and there was no impatience in the long queues where everyone waited their turn.

When we were finally out, we took the road back past Bloemfontein to Colesberg, 240 km away, where we arrived late in the evening. I think we rested there the next day, Sunday, and returned to the Cape on Monday. Gerrit went to one of his acquaintances in the Hex River Valley and picked up two boxes of grapes. Then we went back to Wellington and he dropped us off at our house. It was a very blessed few days.

THE LAST YEARS AND FAREWELL

Since 2017 we have had occasional contact with Gerrit and Annetjie. Gerrit sold their house in Black Prince Street and he and Annetjie moved to the retirement village Serenitas in the Strand. We visited them there a few times. Rinie and Annetjie really enjoyed each other's company.

Gerrit was probably involved in the communities he was in for his whole life. He handled the DStv package, which was specifically put together for the residents of Serenitas (and Ametis and Altena), by adding new residents, and helping when people had problems with their TV. When there was a braai, he helped - he had always loved to braai meat.

His eldest son, Wimpie, is the chief technical manager at Proxa, an international group with branches in Africa, Australia, Europe, and the Middle East, which works with water purification, among other things. Wimpie has several properties in Paarl, and he offered Gerrit a free house in De Oude Wingerd, a complex in Noorder-Paarl. Gerrit and Annetjie then moved to Paarl, closer to us. After that, we visited them more often.

Annetjie's eyes were getting worse and worse due to glaucoma, which is not reversible. The times we visited them, Gerrit always braaied, or as he says, threw a little meat on the coals. They were now also closer to their sons, Wimpie, Gerhard, and Hakie (Johan), so of course they visited each other more.

I don't know what ultimately caused Annetjie's death, I think she also developed respiratory problems. We were at her funeral service in Noorder-Paarl, and also when her ashes were placed in the memorial wall of the NG Mother Church Wellington, together with Freda's. I still remember Gerrit standing with Annetjie's casket in front of his chest while the minister gave his speech.

Gerrit is a people person, and I think he was often very lonely alone in his house. When we visited him on occasion, he always said "Let's braai some meat." And when we drove off, I rolled down my window to wave to him. Driving away and seeing him standing in the street waving is an image that I will always cherish. Despite the dampers and the challenges, he was a constant in our lives.

After Rinie had her stroke on 14 January 2023, we visited Gerrit a few times, and he always had a meal for us. He now has occasional health problems, such as fainting spells, for which he was given a pacemaker, but his health is still surprisingly good for someone of his age. I think he was 87.

The last time we visited him was Friday, 26 September 2025, when I had to go to SARS in Paarl with Rinie - he turned 88 on Wednesday.

Thys Greeff sent me a WhatsApp on 1 November 2025 that Gerrit had died of a heart attack that morning. I told Nicolette that we would like to be at his memorial service. I remember when Wimpie got Rinie out of the car, his feet were placed wrong with the turn and then both fell, Rinie on top of him! He cried out “My leg! My leg!” Fortunately, they were not seriously hurt, just bruises. However, there were blood stains on the back of his pure white shirt.

There is a famous song “You are my best friend”, sung by Don Williams. I remember that I often thought of Gerrit when I heard it.